Dark times

It's not that I don't try.

It's not that I want to.

But I just can't help it. I can't help feeling this way, I can't help doing what I do and I can't help myself in general.

I'm tired. Tired of fighting constantly for each breath. Tired of waking up every morning. Tired. Just tired.

Want to rest so desperately.

The one person who has been my constant pillar of strength has decided to withdraw from me. I feel like my world is collapsing. There is no one to hold me up, no one to console the terrified child in me... No one to care for me.

Then again, I wonder, if anyone does care.

Perhaps, my existence is so insignificant and so easily forgettable that it shouldn't and wouldn't matter in the long term.

The million apologies and "I'm sorry"s will probably never set things right again.

In many ways, I wish you'd never met me... You'd never feel pain or anguish. I'd never irritate or annoy you.... And I'd never have caused you grief.

Better still, I would never have known such pain as the withdrawal of love, once again, from the people I care about.

Perhaps I am not made to be loved. Perhaps my very existence is a plague upon human kindness. I'm nothing more than a parasite.

Perhaps, even nothing more than nothing.

These are dark times and I do not see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore.