24.

I just got back from my last visit to Singapore for about at least another year or so.

And though I often comlain and whine about wanting to return to HK asap, I honestly loathe leaving my friends behind.

I didn't know just how much I missed them until I left on the plane yesterday for HK and then a wave of melancholy struck. I wish I had another 2 weeks; I wish I could relive my recent visits back to Singapore and do it all over again. I wish for many things, but that is wishing for the past and unfortunately (or fortunately), I live in the now.

I'm listening to ballads tonight - a perfect companion to the blues of my heart strings.

*sigh*

I'm guessing that one of the reasons why I'm hit incredibly hard this time is because, for the first time since the nightmare begun (and tapered to an end), I can finally see the joy and fortune and blessings I have with regard to the friends I've made in Singapore and to the new friends I've made on my trips back this time around.

I wish I could've spent more time getting to know AJ & B - my lovely cousins - and definitely more time with friends I've always cherished and cherish even more now that I've grown and am less burdened with the scars/burns of my past.

I find it easier to be open about things now, to be more honest with respect to my thoughts/feelings and I am pleasantly assured that honesty, is not always taken badly - I suppose it's çoz my delivery has mellowed and I am less blunt/angsty.... And also, less self-conscious.

Amazingly, albeit what many think of me, I used to be shy and incredibly insecure with a very very low self-esteem. Though the low self-esteem has yet to ompletely dissipate, I can say with much certainty that that self-esteem of mine is sure as hell climbing its way up slowly.

I'm loving it.

I have many people to thank for having stuck with me through the bad (and I mean really bad) times and sharing the good times with me. I have many to thank for believing in me and having faith that I'm not a lost case and mostly importantly, I have many to thank for understanding me when I was unable to express myself effectively/without pain.

It is because of such fantastic persons in my life that I find comfort in knowing that I am not a loss cause and that I am not some big mistake that God put on this earth to torture and to punish others with.

I am happy.

At 24, I finally am somewhat at peace.

For that, I am glad.